sweet nothings

its been another year....2007 became a very good year to me....ang daming blessings na dumating...and siempre dami ring mga not so good experiences. some of the highlights of this year: 1. naitawid ko ang 1st year and finally made it to second year med proper (whew) 2. new friendships! founded rashberries some time in june sa kahabaan ng bambang habang bumibili ng littman stet...yes dahil sa paghahanap ng kulay na rasphberry sa bawat tindahan ng stethoscope and ending up na ubos na (coz lahat ng mga med students ata na kikay ay pinakyaw ito) we spoiled its name dahil nagkakarashes na kme sa kakahanap bwahaha...thereafter "RASHBERRIES" was coined.....===> samahan ng mga discreet na okrayera at kritiko sa kolehiyo ng medisina sa intramuros 3. MOVING ON....buong taon akong SINGLE! buwahaha and yes i enjoyed it big time....im glad na somehow nalampasan ko ang issues ng makulay, makasaysayan, at ma-anomalya kong LURVE LIFE (WAGI ANG LOLA NIO) 4. new friends pa ulet.....una...

amf, di ko talaga akalaing magiging kontrobersyal ang kapaskuhan ko! boylets go away! kayo ang gumugulo sa buhay ko! bwahahaha ngarag na ngarag na nga ako sa sobrang daming party at talagang im so broke sa mga panahong to, dagdag pa sa eksena ang mga lalakeng ito! ano ber ano ber ano ber! tama na pagiging mga ekchosero nio, enough na ang mga kemerkemerlu! kasi memorize ko na yan pramis. ang akin lang naman, kung sasaktan lang ako chupi at sumakay n lng sa chubibo, kayong dalawa magbilugan ng ulo....stressed na ko i swear. nananahimik ako dito tapos lapit lapit para lang bulabugin ang diyosang natutulog sa mt. olympus! you've done enough pain....tama na yun. hindi ako nababagay sa mga tagalupang kagaya nio. grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! panira talaga ng pasko oh!

dami kong gusto ikuwento eh last week pa kaso la ako enough time to blog it out. hay and im not feeling well nilalagnat ako kanina kaya tulog lang ako maghapon. cant wait for vacation...la p kong nagagawa nakakainis para akong nakatira ng isang boteng sleeping pills

this has been a long day. though it wasnt really that toxic, i just feel a bit sluggish. im not really much into that feeling of "christmas is in the air" but more of a "i just want to sleep all day" pretty lazy huh. this afternoon, me and my friend shopped for christmas give aways. that was tiresome....

friday night, that was almost midnight bigla na lang akong nagccrave kumain ng chicken salad. hahaha i went down to the kitchen naghalughog ng ref hahaha. i saw an opened pack of elbow macaroni (siguro may 1/4 kilo pa na natira) may mayo sa ref, chicken, cheese at apples...ang lungkot marami pang kulang alang carrots ala ring pineapples at ung mayo mukhang bitin. hay ang daming kulang.... pero dahil nga sa matinding pagnanasa ko na kumain ng chicken salad/macaroni salad eh pinatulan ko na kung anong meron hahaha nagluto ako ng hatinggabi. after 1 hour voila tapos na ang kulang kulang kong salad at natural pagkakain ko zzzzz tulog. at hindi pa dito natatapos ang drama ng salad. kinabukasan breakfast ko pa un, pag-uwi ko kinain ko pa ulet...hanggang gabi, breakfast ko ng sunday at finally meryenda ko pa ulet ng sunday...NAKAKAHIYA PERO GANON AKO KATAKAW....lahat yon ako lang ang kumain.... at pinaplano ko pa ulit gumawa bukas hahahaha BAKIT NGA BA ANO ANG MERON SA SALAD?! WAHHHHHHH an...

i missed my bed and i missed peanut a lot. hay friday i went out with my mom and sis ayun gabi n ko nakauwi. kumusta naman i haven't read a thing for patho exam d next day. wahhhh cram cram cram...as expected di ko naman talaga matatapos un trans na trans p lang ang haba na...wahhhh pabaya talaga BAD buti n lng nakapasa pa pero di dapat ganun huhuhu anyway yesterday aga ako nakauwi kaya i was able to play wid peanut pa. wawa naman kc xa masyado ako busy lately. d other day naman matamlay siya after receiving his vaccine. eto na si peanut at 4 mos im really glad nagkalaman laman na siya hihi it was a long week. nu p kaya next week....at ang sarap pa talaga matulog ^__^

i just cant stop huhuhu 3 bags in a week...wah sobrang gastador ko....but bags really make me feel good after having a long day. and 2 pending bags that im gonna pay for next week....kahit pa i end up being so broke hehe... great nine west bags at ebay natutuwa ako and on my way home nadaan ako sa isang ukay ukay found another shu uemura bag...hahaha--MASAYANG PULUBI lolz

for a newbie pet owner like me, di talaga madali hehehe ayan ang tigas kasi ng ulo ko. ^__^ mini pins are known maingay talaga. nawala sa isip ko nung binili ko siya hehehe. makulit sobrang kulit kulit para nga siyang kangaroo kung tumalon eh. minsan naghihinala n nga ako kung isa b siyang minipin x kangaroo. pero the behavior of the pet will always depend naman upon the owner diba. undeniably daming difficulties. una sa lahat un ngang sandali lang siya maiwan sobrang nag-iingay talaga. tapos the other night naman ayaw n niya matulog sa basket gusto niya katabi sa kama. hay tuloy gusto n nila siya ibenta wahhhh.....kawawang peanut ko. ayaw ko nga. hehe matututo rin siya. in time. gusto ko siya tumaba. kawawa kasing laki n nga lang ng c2 payatot pa. hehehe mukhang masyadong konti ang bigay kong food. pero nag-mimilk naman n siya plus vitamins. kasi no matter how kulit and ingay my pup is, at the end of the day, i just cant resist those puppy eyes hay. nakakaawa siya talaga. he...

nakita ko to sa ebay. waahhhhhhhh wahhhhhhhh isa pang waaahhhhh nakakakilig hihihi. leche, purita p naman ako ngaun. huhuhu *sad*

yesterday i haven't even felt that it was a "real day". dami ko kc ginawa, sideline muna hehehe. ive been doing results from past 2pm til almost 10 pm last night. hang dami hehehe. pero blessing n rin un kaya ok lang. anyway nabuwisit ako. ay nako be it joke o hindi. pero malakas ang feeling ko eh ANG LAKAS bwahahaha. taena nun potah talaga! nuknukan eh. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr ah basta. leche. dilang matamis, bobo lang ang maniniwala. di talaga marunong makuntento punyeta. bakit b kc palagi akong apektado. simulat simula wala namang binigay kundi konsumisyon. HARU JOSKO TALAGA. eh isa lang naman siyang dambuhalang DRAWING...MURAL DUDE MURAL!!!!!! di mo alam kung anong gusto. puro pa-effect. walang pakialam sa nararamdman ng ibang tao. SELFISH. just the other night pakeme keme chorvalu pa. ay nako chronic talaga ung gagong un. hehehe whining lang. sarap!

hehehe finally i got na my puppy. he is a 3 mo old micro mini pin. mahabang debate ang kanyang pangalan. choices were: leigie (uyyy bakit kaya hehehe) chaga, tsutsugamushi, sartorius (HARU JOSKO PAKANA NI BORGIE YAN) may charcot at hodgkin....etc etc...ok so naging peanut hodgkin n nga. hay so dahil nga ayaw xa ng mama at papa ko well as always napakatigas ng ulo ko. isang araw...(dahil nga na sold out ang first choice kong pup) naicp ko pumunta sa petshop. at ayun binili ko n siya. kawawang puppy, they were all expecting kc n im going to get something fury only to end up with a tiny one...mukha daw kambing. huwattt...oh well pero di naman ako nagsisi na siya ang pinili ko. una sa lahat, low maintenance kc nga short coat lang and very handy din. madali lng tingnan OMG pero ang first night niya dito was really stressful for us both. baby p kc xa talaga, naninibago pa. at natatakot siya mag isa. just when i thought he's fine sleeping inside his cage, ay nako silip siya ng silip sa...

ok badtrip talaga. i was about to buy a shih-tzu. just this morning we inquired via text. i prepared the money. it took me a lot to finance my doggie, talagang sacrifice ito coz di talaga boto ang parents ko for me to have a dog...so ayun just this evening i called the kennel para lang malamang...UBOS NA huwatttt ubos na sila waaaaahhhhhhhhhh nakakainis tlaga...yan tuloy wait wait ulet til i find another good deal...pero iniisip ko rin kung ill purchase the chug ive spotted...hehe chi na pug ang cute. haayyyyy isa talagang kahibangan ito i know pero ive been thinking of this for over a month already. at talagang inaral ko pa all concerns regarding puppies, binabasa ko all the threads para lang matuto. kakalungkot.... di bale ill have one soon...ipipiring ko muna ang mata ko dahil baka ma-shopping ko na naman itong money huhuhu

being a big make-up fan, organizing my kikay kit has always been a task...papalit palit kc ako. most of the time i bring big clutch bags to fit in my "koloretes". ang arte talaga hahaha. tuloy i end up also bringing big bags where these clutches would fit in----bag within a bag. pero na-realize ko even when i go to school, ang laki ng dala ko pero majority lng dito pampaarte. ewan ko b naman toxic talaga ako, its like im gonna die if i wouldnt bring my talc in a tall canister and my body splash plus my kikay kit. so ano nga ba ang laman ng mahiwagang kikay kit na ito...the thing why its getting heavy is that i bring things in doubles...2 shades for each hahaha siguro dala na rin ng pagiging fickle-minded ko. pero dahil s katoxican hindi ko rin naman actually nagagamit talaga. kaya nga lately talagang pinapractice ko ang NO TO BIG BAG PROJECT lol. i started unloading the doubles at gawin n lng tig-isa...i even settled for a flip phone at iwanan n muna sa bahay ang bulky pda...

hay ang hirap ng tinitipon hehehe. parang hindi ako normal basta mababa ang energy level ko kahapon pa to eh, di tuloy ako makapag concert JOKE. wala akong kuwento basta tulog lng ako at tulala ACHOO

yesterday we had much fun visiting the zoobic safari and ocean adventure. me and my friends both from ceu and plm went there. nakakatuwa nga kc kahit pa it is the first time they were introduced to each other click pa rin talaga. lahat go sad nga lang that some of our invited friends weren't able to make it. pero sulit talaga, kahit na maghapon lang un. nakakatawa nga kc super ingay talaga namen lalo na during the close encounter with the tigers. that was really memorable. hay basta simula pagpasok p lang sa safari til we exit ocean adventure it was purely FUN. masayang experience talaga. even our way back home, haha patibayan p rin sa kuwentuhan. xempre sino pa ba naman ang mga matibay na daldalera kundi me and esther. oh well nagising silang lahat kaya ayun laitan and chismisan session til we get back to manila we had dinner before everyone goes home. hay ayaw p rin talaga paawat hahaha. that's the joy of having makukulit at madaldal na friends lyk them. it was a long da...

sinamahan ko ung friend ko sa hospital where my second internship was. hay sobrang dami na ng pinagbago. dati sobrang dami naming interns dun over 50 ceu pa lang un, wala pa ang trinity at lanting, pero now gosh 7. sa toxic ng ospital na un never ko na imagine na magging ganon sila kakonti. tinanggal na ng ceu tricol and lanting ang affiliation sa hosp (for reasons im not sure of) kaya ang nagdduty n lng eh mga taga world citi. very different system...nakakalungkot lang because quirino is a very good training ground, pero dahil nga konti na sila, they have to change the system. dati we do the warding 24/7 including NICU iba p un sa warding of results. we also do the opd extraction and release of results at xempre bleeding sa blood bank. etc etc iba pa ung lahat ng gawain sa bawat section, plus the logging and pagform ng results...OMG pati pa pala encoding para sa medical records....SOBRANG TOXIC! pero ngaun i was really shocked to know na the interns now only do the logging and giving ...

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hay ano b naman ito, nakaka ilang araw p lng ako nagbabakasyon sobrang inip na inip na ko. grrrr. i have problem sleeping talaga. pag sa araw naman, ang tamad tamad ko, i wanted to go out sana naku kakatamad. i cant stand this, ung maghapong nasa bahay, maging isang couch potato. ginawa ko na ang lahat, maglinis, mag net, mag text, magchat, maligo, tumumbling tumbling, mag videoke, mag piano....naging favorite ko na nga si KOKEY eh korekoreko LOL ay saguli! para talaga akong sinisilaban hahaha. buti n lng tinext ako ni ayla kanina, punta kme sa ospital sa wed dun sa quirino (sa pinag internshipan ko) hahaha curious lang ako at somehow gusto ko asarin ung mga epal na staff dun (leche tandang tanda ko pa mga kaplastikan nila) bwahaha. pero sad lang, after this, matagal na ulit bago kme ulet magkita ni aylapot. saturday....yay pigil na pigil talaga ang kalooban kong ma-excite...its a BIG DAY ^_^ magliliwaliw na naman ako hehehe natapos ko ung the five people u meet in heaven nung isa...

my mom dragged me to go practice driving. its been months since my last drive. we went to laguna, in our place uphill (yeah that village along los banos) dun nga lang sa taas ng bundok LOL. i went there together with my youngest sis and our driver (xa nagturo sakin). sadly papi went out of town din kc (my original instructor), pero ok n rin un kc masungit un magturo eh hehehe. my other sisters were not able to join us. sayang...puro pa sila may pasok eh. that was over an hour of practice hay nakakapagod. i got my license long before un nga lang my parents wouldnt allow me to drive along the streets for safety na rin (of the car and me gahaha) anyway, after that we went swimming (kme lng ng sis ko) lakas ng trip LOL. kunsintidor din kc nanay ko, she patiently waited for us. ayun masaya naman dahil wala halos tao sa resort. gusto ko lng talaga mag exercise. after a few hours umalis n rin kme, we stayed in a restaurant across the street to wait for our sundo. kc sinundo rin ung cousin k...

ARAW ARAW PURO N LNG TEXT TUNGKOL KAY INDAY. AKALA KO DATI TANGING SI EDERLYN LANG ANG SUPERSTAR, PERO NGAUN, KINABOG NA SIYA NI INDAY. Amo: Inday di ba nanood ka ng The Buzz? Inday: Opo, bakit mam? Amo: Bakit daw umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA7? Inday: Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they will stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it's harder when people can't understand you for doing so… WHEW! An taray ni Inday! Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made initial survey of current market prices. Note however that prices could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand which we also monitor on a hourly basis. - si inday, nagpapaalam para mamalengke Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered design of our kitchen lavatory affected t...

i have lots of things in mind now. ang dami kong gusto gawin...but then again little time. and i have so many things to prioritize...more than satisfying my pagka-oc... no matter how busy i am i always see to it that my things are in order. but then, nakukulangan ako eh. while cleaning up my room this morning, i realized whew lots of mess (and sadly the maid wouldnt realize) ang dami kong gusto gawin. daming stuff that i want to eliminate na...i really wish i could have those big boxes where i could wrap up everything. problem with me, i keep on buying things, and i dont use them all. i want to change this kind of attitude, coz its such a waste. talagang im looking forward to having a break...yung out muna ung school stuff and all i can think of are things for myself...mejo busy lng talaga nowadays. little time to squeeze in everything.

im still guilty of being mad. i dont know. pero cguro nga dahil may sumthing p ko sa mokong na un. nagagalit ako. at the same time naiisip ko p rin ung lahat ng nangyari. marami p ring tanong sa isip ko kung bakit nangyari lahat ng to. at ngaun kahit mahigit isang taon na parang pakiramdam ko kelan lng un. pero ang laki n ng pinagbago ng lahat...lalo na siya. lalo na sila...naiinis akong isipin na ako nagkakaganito pero siya ano balewala lahat. worse, mukhang masaya na siya. nakakagalit na ako hindi p rin totally ok....ano ba diba. hanggang kelan ko mararamdaman to. pero sa kabila nun palagi ko p rin siyang naiisip. isang malaking kahibangan. galit ako. nasasaktan ako.

"Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else... makes the rest of the world fade away, until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain, we anesthesize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it. and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it" its been ages since i blogged out certain issues bout my personal life. bout the dramas of my freakin love life. its been over a year now. i have so far reached the point of really getting over. but for unexplained reason, there still comes emptiness. that feeling of sadness that couldn't be relieved by long talks or long walks and shopping. :( pushing through the pain. im guilty of this. instead of avoiding the things i wasnt suppose to see or look back, its so stubborn of me that ...

hay kumusta naman akala ko nga rin sembreak na eh. LOL. sarap ng buhay. pero next week patay patayan naman sa makeups wahhhhhhhhh. hay pero i really enjoy curling up, mag hibernate sa ilalim ng mga unan at kumot haha. at kumain ng korean noodles habang pinapakinggan ang patak ng ulan. this is life. . . im enjoying this for now dahil minsan lang itech. ang masama lang nito wala akong nagagawa! walang nababasa hahahaha....MASYADONG MALAKAS ANG KAPANGYARIHAN NG BAGYO....parang lullaby haaayyyyyy

gosh surgery exam naman tom and more exams til sat. ala nakakapagod. tuloy puro palpak exams ko. kung kelan naman shifting napaka lethargic ko. yeah ganyan kaantok sobra. kakainis kakapagod, pero no choice...sabi nga ng friend ko were not studying med to learn ABCs...yeah right eh ano pala hehe master the art of insomnia?? mali, of sleeping and cramming LOLZ. ang sakit na sa ulo hayyyy at talaga daw nagbblog pa ko sa gitna ng katoxican. la lang eh kakapagod pa eh. nako aral n nga ko.

the week ended good today. whew after 3 consecutive days of long tests...yeah for now its over. time for a real sleep. harry potter is good i did enjoy....plus dinner at italianni's. buti n lng nagyaya si ayla haha....bad thing no more budget for shopping ;'( wahhhhhhhhhhhh those mango shirts and pumps, smashbox o-glow and the other blush i saw (i forgot the name) (I REALLY WANTED THOSE) sayang naman ang sale huhuhu. hay i should save for those lalo na ung blush, kinikilig ako at super gusto ko un! hahahaha dapat mabili ko un next week (spendthrift, splurge kung splurge!) i dont know what's with make up at talagang nahuhumaling ako *SIGH* pero talagang detox whenever im having a new one (un nga lang di ko naman nauubos...masaya lang ako filling up my boxes with different colors and cute packagings) ANG ARTE HAHAHAHA! tapos nasalubong ko pa si jepoy pauwi ang saya masyado akong excited makakita ng mga tao aside from those na taga school hehehe (signs of toxicity ba itech...

the week ended good today. whew after 3 consecutive days of long tests...yeah for now its over. time for a real sleep. harry potter is good i did enjoy....plus dinner at italianni's. buti n lng nagyaya si ayla haha....bad thing no more budget for shopping ;'( wahhhhhhhhhhhh those mango shirts and pumps, smashbox o-glow and the other blush i saw (i forgot the name) (I REALLY WANTED THOSE) sayang naman ang sale huhuhu. hay i should save for those lalo na ung blush, kinikilig ako at super gusto ko un! hahahaha dapat mabili ko un next week (spendthrift, splurge kung splurge!) i dont know what's with make up at talagang nahuhumaling ako *SIGH* pero talagang detox whenever im having a new one (un nga lang di ko naman nauubos...masaya lang ako filling up my boxes with different colors and cute packagings) ANG ARTE HAHAHAHA! tapos nasalubong ko pa si jepoy pauwi ang saya masyado akong excited makakita ng mga tao aside from those na taga school hehehe (signs of toxicity ba itech...

dami pa babasahin. tapos malapit n ulit ang weekend. parang dumadaan lang. tapos un n un hay. ang sakit sa bangs i should sleep now na

wee im really getting serious in having a puppy...ala lng hehe. im looking for great buys over the net. i've been to tiendesitas a while ago. ala natuwa lng ako ulet. haha lovin the cribs and all the dog accessories. mukhang im gonna spoil a doggie ng sobra sobra haha. basta sana lng talaga mabili ko n siya soon. nahihirapan p ko mag convince dito sa bahay that i can really afford to take care of a puppy. well basta bahala na....hihi

may mga bagay, tao, at pangyayari na sadyang mali at darating sa buhay natin dahil ewan. para ba manggulo? o magturo? kahit alin sa dalawang 'to, dumdadating talaga ang mga ganyang kalokohan at kahit pa gano mo pilitin na wag paapekto, haler masasaktan at masasaktan ka, promise! o cge, maaring hindi ka nakakarelate...oo ikaw na nagbabasa nito. kahit ako hindi ko nga rin nagegets kung bakit ko ginagawa ang blog na ito. kung ala mang saysay itong sinusulat ko o kung malabo pa sa sanskrit eh pasensiya, dahil isang oras pa lang akong natutulog simula pa kahapon. (kumusta naman, ngaun ay halos hatinggabi na) ganito yan, una ang pagpapanggap sa kahit anong pamamaraan ay nagdudulot ng sala salabit na pangyayari na nakakagulo sa buhay ng hindi lang isa kundi maraming mga tao, bagay, o hayop. (in english, cascade of events). kung ikaw ay pinanganak na sadyang sinungaling, o mahilig sa mga produktong plastik gaya ng tupperware, saniware, orocan, o polyethylene bag, o kahit pa plastik cove...

me and jp went out this evening. really had much fun spending few hours with him. yeah only few *sob* i asked for signs, but it seems that it all leads me to the exact opposite of how i was expecting things to happen. for whatever reason, it still puzzles me, why in all people in the www its him i will meet. and i really do not know where this would lead. all i know is that as of this moment, i am already in the stage of attachment towards him. the only wish i have is for this to flourish. or if not up to the next level, at least to keep him. just have him around. i dont wanna rush on things ryt now. but all i know is that i am moving on to another phase of my life. i am now ready to let go of my past and be with someone else....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...one old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a youth she's content to leave behind... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..one friend who always makes her laugh ... and one who lets her cry... A WOMAN SHOULD HAV E ...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests f...

im feeling strange lately. this started yesterday and i dont like it. perfectly mixed to make me feel upset. im not really sad, a bit of emptiness and mostly really feels odd. im not sure if i do have a problem, or again hyperactive mind. people, again im having anxieties bout them...the past and d present or maybe im thnking too much that it leaves me blank. im worrying bout things i shouldnt be worried about. getting into complications when in fact there is an easier option and that is not to get in. i soe hate this i just cant figure out whats really wrong...or maybe im just bored and im starting to become disturbed by slight annoyances...i just dont wanna care...

at last nakahabol pa bago mag tag-bagyo...talagang sugod sa pansol kahit umuulan waahha at inabot ng matinding traffic sa slex. nuknukan talaga kme sabi nga ni mama mae... gud thing nakalusot akong makasama. i just cant imagine not joining them...minsan lng to mangyari sa isang taon..and sadly, pakonti na kme ng pakonti every reunion. maya niyan fly na sa abroad ung iba...haiiii but then, everytime we go out and gather walang tatalo sa saya...sobrang saya...na magdamag sumakit ang panga ko at tiyan ko sa kakatawa... ang bilis talaga ng panahon. minsan parang ayaw ko n nga lng paandarin kung ganito naman kasaya...talagang miss na miss ko silang lahat....

im having a tremendously scattered mind right now. hypoglycemic mind...haha. ive been thinking of plans a while ago, and i realized i only have 2 weeks to finally face the awaiting world of toxicity...huh again..im taking a look at the books placed neatly on my shelves. sealed originally...i feel not ready to open these yet. anyways, ignore school stuff first...im feeling dizzy. and i cant sleep. i dont wanna eat and i dont wanna sleep. good thing sumone's txting me ryt now. im in bad need of sum1 to talk to. how ironic, when people are around reaching me thru ym etc im not in a mood for conversations. so here i am, blabbering alone. now seeing the value of what im losing haha the past days, ive been dealing with these damn emotions again. i had a good cry though. crying myself to sleep. isnt that nice. well a good way of flushing out all the pathetically ill feelings. gotta end up here...my mind is getting ________________________________________.

again for the nth time, with my futile attempts to finally halt and forget all the aches. a cycle that never stops. instead of being happy for him why do i feel the pain of seeing him ok, of seeing far better than the last time i saw him. insecurity struck me once more. i felt i am nothing compared to the one who truly owns him. i felt so little that i am placed nowhere. always taking the backseat. always at the backstage, or just one of the audience...no part at all in any of his endeavors. why can't i let go of the past. looking at him was like narrating to me in detail the story we once had. why can't i accept the defeat. why do i always end up with anger. its never easy. all i wanted is to be appreciated, and someone i can call mine. i just feel that im am no better but just a substitute. the fill-in to the gaps. the supporting role. i just feel so used up. i also get tired....i loved, and i loved truly. but i always end up with rejection. and what hurts most, its when you ...

everytime im thinking of taking time to do this journal, i don't know, my mind seems so scattered and i end forgetting taking a pause to do this. im thinking lots of things, too much plans, mental hyperactivity as always. though its not obvious coz im not really doing much of the physical stuff. these past few days, i had a pleasant mood, and yet as the dark approaches, my temper changes again...in short tinotopak na naman ako. i really wonder sometimes, why do i experience such nonsense mood swings. the thing is, its all bout grudges. well unresolved issues i guess. and for the rest of my life that could be forever unresolved. i really wanted to accomplish something academic with this time left before going back to the toxic world. but then, im a bit hesitant coz i also dont wanna spoil this once a year break. hai, maybe i should get back to bed. and by the way, i really feel relieved, i had a loooongggg sleep, and i always fail to do so. sleeping disorder i guess. im sleepy again...

after how many months of struggling with my first year in med school, finally im having a real break. everything is so fast, and it hardly sinks in that one year is all over. a package of surprises. full of twists and unexpected situations. now, reviewing the previous posts i've made (which by the way dated almost a year now) it was indeed out of my expectations. the new people i've met, the old ones i was forced to let go...new issues to deal with. honestly, i really do not have any pinch of idea where all of these will lead me. that was a long span of solid difficulty. and now, i am optimistic that the rainy days of my life will soon be over. adjustments, i made a lot of it. i learned, and i was able to surpass everything. i guess that should take much credit ayt? admittedly though, there are moments that i still look back, that i rant and curse the people who hurt me. i just a human, seeing them happy wouldn't make me genuinely happy as well. (partly could be) i envy yea...

i still love it here, but then no enough time to blog. it was a rocky school year. the moment it started was like entering the gate of hell. i felt this wasn't really for me. even the personal aspect of my life wasn't good... failed relationships, and now, failing academics... life really isn't always sunny. the things i had then were all lost. the people i loved, and now even studies...it was all difficult. but then, life goes on...i have to deal with it, and make both ends meet. im not losing hope. it doesn't end here.