"Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with everyday. Then there's the kind of pain you can't ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else... makes the rest of the world fade away, until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. Pain, we anesthesize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it. and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it"
its been ages since i blogged out certain issues bout my personal life. bout the dramas of my freakin love life. its been over a year now. i have so far reached the point of really getting over. but for unexplained reason, there still comes emptiness. that feeling of sadness that couldn't be relieved by long talks or long walks and shopping. :(
pushing through the pain. im guilty of this. instead of avoiding the things i wasnt suppose to see or look back, its so stubborn of me that i do otherwise.
no tears would fall as much as i wanted to. i dont know, maybe i already lost my reservoir LOL. the rainy days gave me that eerie feeling. and ample time to engage myself in nostalgia. and its not good. it retards me from getting to that goal of forgetting everything.
i was comparing how i was then...during the first few months of the breakup. pain that i couldnt put into words. the burst of emotions i was suppressing until i could get home and cry until i fall into sleep. but now, aside from those questions left unanswered, is a feeling of despise and much pride i give to myself which i by the way lost for so many years.
maybe its all but drama, and its not healthy to keep grudges. well a few could understand...and i suppose only those who know me years back can relate....hayyyy it just scares me now, how will i still able to trust people...its more of a lesson than a regret...that being with someone for six years wouldnt be an assurance of a bright future ahead. such a waste....and no matter how much u hide the bitterness, it will find its way out regardless of how long it was kept...no matter how good you are at hiding....c'est la vie.
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