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second best

again for the nth time, with my futile attempts to finally halt and forget all the aches. a cycle that never stops. instead of being happy for him why do i feel the pain of seeing him ok, of seeing far better than the last time i saw him.


insecurity struck me once more. i felt i am nothing compared to the one who truly owns him. i felt so little that i am placed nowhere. always taking the backseat. always at the backstage, or just one of the audience...no part at all in any of his endeavors.


why can't i let go of the past. looking at him was like narrating to me in detail the story we once had.


why can't i accept the defeat. why do i always end up with anger.


its never easy. all i wanted is to be appreciated, and someone i can call mine. i just feel that im am no better but just a substitute. the fill-in to the gaps. the supporting role.


i just feel so used up. i also get tired....i loved, and i loved truly. but i always end up with rejection.


and what hurts most, its when you feel and shown right in front of your face that no one does it better than her....it was her, always her, even during those days when i thought it was ours...me and him....truth is, it those were just stolen moments...those never belonged to me...his heart never belonged to me.

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