sweet nothings

the week ended good today. whew after 3 consecutive days of long tests...yeah for now its over. time for a real sleep. harry potter is good i did enjoy....plus dinner at italianni's. buti n lng nagyaya si ayla haha....bad thing no more budget for shopping ;'( wahhhhhhhhhhhh those mango shirts and pumps, smashbox o-glow and the other blush i saw (i forgot the name) (I REALLY WANTED THOSE) sayang naman ang sale huhuhu. hay i should save for those lalo na ung blush, kinikilig ako at super gusto ko un! hahahaha dapat mabili ko un next week (spendthrift, splurge kung splurge!) i dont know what's with make up at talagang nahuhumaling ako *SIGH* pero talagang detox whenever im having a new one (un nga lang di ko naman nauubos...masaya lang ako filling up my boxes with different colors and cute packagings) ANG ARTE HAHAHAHA! tapos nasalubong ko pa si jepoy pauwi ang saya masyado akong excited makakita ng mga tao aside from those na taga school hehehe (signs of toxicity ba itech...

the week ended good today. whew after 3 consecutive days of long tests...yeah for now its over. time for a real sleep. harry potter is good i did enjoy....plus dinner at italianni's. buti n lng nagyaya si ayla haha....bad thing no more budget for shopping ;'( wahhhhhhhhhhhh those mango shirts and pumps, smashbox o-glow and the other blush i saw (i forgot the name) (I REALLY WANTED THOSE) sayang naman ang sale huhuhu. hay i should save for those lalo na ung blush, kinikilig ako at super gusto ko un! hahahaha dapat mabili ko un next week (spendthrift, splurge kung splurge!) i dont know what's with make up at talagang nahuhumaling ako *SIGH* pero talagang detox whenever im having a new one (un nga lang di ko naman nauubos...masaya lang ako filling up my boxes with different colors and cute packagings) ANG ARTE HAHAHAHA! tapos nasalubong ko pa si jepoy pauwi ang saya masyado akong excited makakita ng mga tao aside from those na taga school hehehe (signs of toxicity ba itech...

dami pa babasahin. tapos malapit n ulit ang weekend. parang dumadaan lang. tapos un n un hay. ang sakit sa bangs i should sleep now na

wee im really getting serious in having a puppy...ala lng hehe. im looking for great buys over the net. i've been to tiendesitas a while ago. ala natuwa lng ako ulet. haha lovin the cribs and all the dog accessories. mukhang im gonna spoil a doggie ng sobra sobra haha. basta sana lng talaga mabili ko n siya soon. nahihirapan p ko mag convince dito sa bahay that i can really afford to take care of a puppy. well basta bahala na....hihi

may mga bagay, tao, at pangyayari na sadyang mali at darating sa buhay natin dahil ewan. para ba manggulo? o magturo? kahit alin sa dalawang 'to, dumdadating talaga ang mga ganyang kalokohan at kahit pa gano mo pilitin na wag paapekto, haler masasaktan at masasaktan ka, promise! o cge, maaring hindi ka nakakarelate...oo ikaw na nagbabasa nito. kahit ako hindi ko nga rin nagegets kung bakit ko ginagawa ang blog na ito. kung ala mang saysay itong sinusulat ko o kung malabo pa sa sanskrit eh pasensiya, dahil isang oras pa lang akong natutulog simula pa kahapon. (kumusta naman, ngaun ay halos hatinggabi na) ganito yan, una ang pagpapanggap sa kahit anong pamamaraan ay nagdudulot ng sala salabit na pangyayari na nakakagulo sa buhay ng hindi lang isa kundi maraming mga tao, bagay, o hayop. (in english, cascade of events). kung ikaw ay pinanganak na sadyang sinungaling, o mahilig sa mga produktong plastik gaya ng tupperware, saniware, orocan, o polyethylene bag, o kahit pa plastik cove...

me and jp went out this evening. really had much fun spending few hours with him. yeah only few *sob* i asked for signs, but it seems that it all leads me to the exact opposite of how i was expecting things to happen. for whatever reason, it still puzzles me, why in all people in the www its him i will meet. and i really do not know where this would lead. all i know is that as of this moment, i am already in the stage of attachment towards him. the only wish i have is for this to flourish. or if not up to the next level, at least to keep him. just have him around. i dont wanna rush on things ryt now. but all i know is that i am moving on to another phase of my life. i am now ready to let go of my past and be with someone else....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...one old love she can imagine going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .. a youth she's content to leave behind... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age.... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..one friend who always makes her laugh ... and one who lets her cry... A WOMAN SHOULD HAV E ...a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family... A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests f...

im feeling strange lately. this started yesterday and i dont like it. perfectly mixed to make me feel upset. im not really sad, a bit of emptiness and mostly really feels odd. im not sure if i do have a problem, or again hyperactive mind. people, again im having anxieties bout them...the past and d present or maybe im thnking too much that it leaves me blank. im worrying bout things i shouldnt be worried about. getting into complications when in fact there is an easier option and that is not to get in. i soe hate this i just cant figure out whats really wrong...or maybe im just bored and im starting to become disturbed by slight annoyances...i just dont wanna care...

at last nakahabol pa bago mag tag-bagyo...talagang sugod sa pansol kahit umuulan waahha at inabot ng matinding traffic sa slex. nuknukan talaga kme sabi nga ni mama mae... gud thing nakalusot akong makasama. i just cant imagine not joining them...minsan lng to mangyari sa isang taon..and sadly, pakonti na kme ng pakonti every reunion. maya niyan fly na sa abroad ung iba...haiiii but then, everytime we go out and gather walang tatalo sa saya...sobrang saya...na magdamag sumakit ang panga ko at tiyan ko sa kakatawa... ang bilis talaga ng panahon. minsan parang ayaw ko n nga lng paandarin kung ganito naman kasaya...talagang miss na miss ko silang lahat....

im having a tremendously scattered mind right now. hypoglycemic mind...haha. ive been thinking of plans a while ago, and i realized i only have 2 weeks to finally face the awaiting world of toxicity...huh again..im taking a look at the books placed neatly on my shelves. sealed originally...i feel not ready to open these yet. anyways, ignore school stuff first...im feeling dizzy. and i cant sleep. i dont wanna eat and i dont wanna sleep. good thing sumone's txting me ryt now. im in bad need of sum1 to talk to. how ironic, when people are around reaching me thru ym etc im not in a mood for conversations. so here i am, blabbering alone. now seeing the value of what im losing haha the past days, ive been dealing with these damn emotions again. i had a good cry though. crying myself to sleep. isnt that nice. well a good way of flushing out all the pathetically ill feelings. gotta end up here...my mind is getting ________________________________________.

again for the nth time, with my futile attempts to finally halt and forget all the aches. a cycle that never stops. instead of being happy for him why do i feel the pain of seeing him ok, of seeing far better than the last time i saw him. insecurity struck me once more. i felt i am nothing compared to the one who truly owns him. i felt so little that i am placed nowhere. always taking the backseat. always at the backstage, or just one of the audience...no part at all in any of his endeavors. why can't i let go of the past. looking at him was like narrating to me in detail the story we once had. why can't i accept the defeat. why do i always end up with anger. its never easy. all i wanted is to be appreciated, and someone i can call mine. i just feel that im am no better but just a substitute. the fill-in to the gaps. the supporting role. i just feel so used up. i also get tired....i loved, and i loved truly. but i always end up with rejection. and what hurts most, its when you ...

everytime im thinking of taking time to do this journal, i don't know, my mind seems so scattered and i end forgetting taking a pause to do this. im thinking lots of things, too much plans, mental hyperactivity as always. though its not obvious coz im not really doing much of the physical stuff. these past few days, i had a pleasant mood, and yet as the dark approaches, my temper changes again...in short tinotopak na naman ako. i really wonder sometimes, why do i experience such nonsense mood swings. the thing is, its all bout grudges. well unresolved issues i guess. and for the rest of my life that could be forever unresolved. i really wanted to accomplish something academic with this time left before going back to the toxic world. but then, im a bit hesitant coz i also dont wanna spoil this once a year break. hai, maybe i should get back to bed. and by the way, i really feel relieved, i had a loooongggg sleep, and i always fail to do so. sleeping disorder i guess. im sleepy again...

after how many months of struggling with my first year in med school, finally im having a real break. everything is so fast, and it hardly sinks in that one year is all over. a package of surprises. full of twists and unexpected situations. now, reviewing the previous posts i've made (which by the way dated almost a year now) it was indeed out of my expectations. the new people i've met, the old ones i was forced to let go...new issues to deal with. honestly, i really do not have any pinch of idea where all of these will lead me. that was a long span of solid difficulty. and now, i am optimistic that the rainy days of my life will soon be over. adjustments, i made a lot of it. i learned, and i was able to surpass everything. i guess that should take much credit ayt? admittedly though, there are moments that i still look back, that i rant and curse the people who hurt me. i just a human, seeing them happy wouldn't make me genuinely happy as well. (partly could be) i envy yea...

i still love it here, but then no enough time to blog. it was a rocky school year. the moment it started was like entering the gate of hell. i felt this wasn't really for me. even the personal aspect of my life wasn't good... failed relationships, and now, failing academics... life really isn't always sunny. the things i had then were all lost. the people i loved, and now even studies...it was all difficult. but then, life goes on...i have to deal with it, and make both ends meet. im not losing hope. it doesn't end here.

today is our monthsary...but sadly i won't be able to celebrate it with him...btw i don't wanna entertain these sad thoughts...im just glad we're doin ok now. the past days were really good. last weekend i was able to spend the whole day with my college friends. we had a great time. most of them are doin good starting their career. what an envy. ill be spending more years finishing med...i really wish i cud do good. i missed these folks a lot. time flies too fast. now we hardly meet...im afraid the next five years would be a drastic change. well success on each one's goals i suppose...most of them are planning to make it abroad...i still hope we could hold on and still afford to reunite till old age... im getting quite nervous for the coming opening of classes...i don't know maybe im too paranoid thinking of many situations beforehand. im praying hard that i will be able to adjust graciously and be able to make it. honestly im avoiding some people...i just don't...

im really having a hard tym now...goodness my wisdom tooth was extracted awwwww i had to to through a surgery. it was really hard getting into that procedure. anyway jaz thankful it was through and now im im roughly healing. the past days were good. oh i miss bebe so much. its been a while since i last saw him.

tagal kong di nag post hehe...eniweiz napaso ng plantsa ng buhok ung noo ko. maliit lng naman...lame ayt...im missing him....again. things are quite getting hard now because of the tight schedule. ang masama few days from now will i guess become a congestion of work and study...i wish i cud adjust and still manage to do stuff like this. im kinda tensed of what's gonna happen. not only adjusting to the new environment but seeing people im not sure if i will be ready seeing them around....still reluctant if i really did right but then i'll just concentrate on my real business there. nothing new though...except im improving on my driving...

i got tired. this day was half joy and half upsetting. its fun i had enough time with him today. i enjoyed. i really wanna get through my driving lesson. well i wanna be perfect at it. it was kinda annoying. people really vary. and sometimes you get to encounter some who's hard to decipher. im sleepy. i had a long day.

gee im back! well it was only 2 days that i was out of town...it was stressful good thing im back. surprise surprise! he attempted to call me! was it an attempt?? or jaz checkin out if im still alive! that dork thinks im half-wit not to discover who the caller is duh??? im starting not to care anymore! though im thinking a bit what was it all about??? but whenever i start summing up everything that happened i know i've got enough reason just to stop and ignore everything. it was a tiresome weekend. even so i had a great time spending it fully with my family. i thought the trip would give me time to ponder things and entertain bubbly thoughts but unluckily i was too drowsy during the entire trip...

Dear lie You suck You said you could fix anything Instead I’m fucked You made things even worse for me If I had balls I’d tell you get away from me Guess I’m not smart I let you unnerve me I let you control me Afraid the truth would hurt me When it’s you that hurts me more Chorus Get outta my mouth Get outta my head Get outta my mind Stop puttin’ words in my head Get outta my mouth You’re nothing but trouble Get outta my life Get out of me Out of me out of me Out of me Out of me lie Lie lie lie lie Dear lie You’re dumb You think you’ve got the best of me You think you won Misread my vulnerability I’ve got your walls Now get the hell away from me I’ve learned your art Won’t let you unnerve me Won’t let you control me The truth will only free me And your lies won’t hurt no No more Chorus Lie lie I’ve got Your walls Now get the hell away from me I learned your art Won’t let you unnerve me Wont’ let you control me The truth will only free me And your lies won’t hurt no No more Chorus Lie l...