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bring it back

ive been thinking of some happy thoughts..well not the happiest though. and honestly, thinking doesnt make me happier either.

just last week (or was that the other week) was a not so good incident. i dont know if that was the DEFINITE END of his existence in my life. I was truly upset. Prior to this he already gave me an early warning that I became a cause of a fight bet him and his gf. I havent thought after backing off that there would still be a recurrence. ARGH it sounded stupid and really triggered my anger alarm. First of, i was upset because honest to goodness our loss of communication is a BIG sacrifice on my part. and another thing, i hate being tagged as homewrecker. I feel for the girl, well i know how it feels to get hurt, be jealous and all, and though its easy to comprehend the existence of a girl-boy friendship, ours is a different story, its a girl-boy friendship turned into romance then back into friendship. i know i know its difficult to believe that it is as plain as that, but we both value our friendship i believe, and it is indeed possible to keep up something like that. another thing is that, i hate being dragged into this kind of situation for the simplest reason that I AM LITERALLY NOT INVOLVED AT ALL.

It really sucks big time. at the back of my mind i was telling myself what i wanna tell her "know what biatch, i didnt even care bout the girl who replaced me so the hell shall i care bout you aye!???"but then i held my horses, she texted me to say sorry and in all honesty, i know she's having a difficult time. knowing my ex....

so i just reassured her and gave my word for it that i am cutting off everything, yes the friendship and all.

I am not mad, i dont keep grudges not at all. well i just wanna show i am angry to make things easier for all of us.

but now, i feel the loss....as i browsed onto his page i remember the old times, the long talks, i can tell him everything, all the bad things ive done, as in everything...and though i believe he's a half jerk, i honor his opinions more than any guy in this world. i miss the wee hours of texting and chatting, me whining, and his weird emoshitty lines and detailed plans of committing suicide....awwww that was cute =) we've been friends long before we became lovers. and though i was hurt by all the things he has done, his friendship is one of the best i have in my life....that's why i let go of every bad thing --saving the good out of the bad....its so sad its time to say bye...i dont wanna be selfish, and i dont wanna hurt anyone.

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