ive been thinking of some happy thoughts..well not the happiest though. and honestly, thinking doesnt make me happier either.
just last week (or was that the other week) was a not so good incident. i dont know if that was the DEFINITE END of his existence in my life. I was truly upset. Prior to this he already gave me an early warning that I became a cause of a fight bet him and his gf. I havent thought after backing off that there would still be a recurrence. ARGH it sounded stupid and really triggered my anger alarm. First of, i was upset because honest to goodness our loss of communication is a BIG sacrifice on my part. and another thing, i hate being tagged as homewrecker. I feel for the girl, well i know how it feels to get hurt, be jealous and all, and though its easy to comprehend the existence of a girl-boy friendship, ours is a different story, its a girl-boy friendship turned into romance then back into friendship. i know i know its difficult to believe that it is as plain as that, but we both value our friendship i believe, and it is indeed possible to keep up something like that. another thing is that, i hate being dragged into this kind of situation for the simplest reason that I AM LITERALLY NOT INVOLVED AT ALL.
It really sucks big time. at the back of my mind i was telling myself what i wanna tell her "know what biatch, i didnt even care bout the girl who replaced me so the hell shall i care bout you aye!???"but then i held my horses, she texted me to say sorry and in all honesty, i know she's having a difficult time. knowing my ex....
so i just reassured her and gave my word for it that i am cutting off everything, yes the friendship and all.
I am not mad, i dont keep grudges not at all. well i just wanna show i am angry to make things easier for all of us.
but now, i feel the loss....as i browsed onto his page i remember the old times, the long talks, i can tell him everything, all the bad things ive done, as in everything...and though i believe he's a half jerk, i honor his opinions more than any guy in this world. i miss the wee hours of texting and chatting, me whining, and his weird emoshitty lines and detailed plans of committing suicide....awwww that was cute =) we've been friends long before we became lovers. and though i was hurt by all the things he has done, his friendship is one of the best i have in my life....that's why i let go of every bad thing --saving the good out of the bad....its so sad its time to say bye...i dont wanna be selfish, and i dont wanna hurt anyone.
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