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4-23

another boring day had passed, and i do not even know how i was able to handle the past weeks of this vacation without losing sanity. this morning i woke up feeling emoshitty *again* hell yeah the same old issue of my 'pseudorelationship' but then again ended up letting all my plans pass. haist im still in between, i cant make up my mind whether to drop him or not. i wanna drop him coz i feel hanging, but then i think that feeling of "hanging" is fairly relative, that would depend whether how much i cling on to this...i thought i can still handle suppressing the feeling of being in-love with the fact that we dont see each other for some time now. well its just that, i wanted to know whether ill be getting something good out of this, hay forget it....might as well enjoy the moment coz either way it will hurt if its gonna hurt. but i still pray that if this aint going somewhere better i just hope letting go wouldnt be terribly hurtful....

i felt so guilty today for exceeding a bit from my required diet. i just hate feeling full...yeah i so enjoy starving myself. and i felt bad for not working out as much as ive planned. im too lazy today, that sucks! i seriously wanna lose five more pounds...starvation mode starvation mode!

uhm i wish i could fall asleep early. its too humid and i cant even take a nap.

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