4-7

im pissed. i thought this day is simply boring, like any other summer days. i dont know why things cant fall exactly as how i wanted it. maybe im running out of patience. i just dont understand why some people can manage to carry everything as if no emotions exist.

i thought then that everything is clear between the two of us, after that day of exchange of confessions re what really the hell is going on. the last time i remember that we talked about this high maintenance shit, i was about to turn my back and leave to untangle all the complications ive been dwelling in for the longest time, but he asked for a chance...a chance to do something about it.

i learned to just enjoy and simply make the most out of waiting, but then, here he comes talking about the future....he includes me, but those were jokes which i dont even know if somehow those were half meant, but all i know is that it pisses me.

i am truly bored, because its hard to manage something like this. keeping a relationship which i cant even call real, having someone whom i cant call mine, exchanging sweet words which i am not sure if he uttered sincerely.

i just cant understand him, that's why i concluded that it wouldnt really be the way i want it. he is always too safe, and the text he sent me a while ago was like a confirmation.

it hurts to keep someone who will keep you indefinitely. i know its my stupidity that i chose this kind of setup, i just dont know up to when i can take this.