sweet nothings

the past days were on and off struggle to let go...well as expected, its not that easy...it doesnt happen overnight. every morning as i wake up, i pray that i will stop calling, that i will stop texting...owell i just miss him. but still, i am determined to end it up...i know its gonna happen, though it might take some time, but I WILL DO IT. expectations...this put everything into tangled complications, but really as i came to think of it, its as simple as "i expected a lot, held on for too long, given out too much" that's why in the end, i was badly hurt. that's why i dont put all the blame on him, for in the first place, he never promised anything to me...i am the one to blame, because i let him do so. i did not protect myself as how i was warned beforehand. bad addiction to sum it up. i believe i just took the risk because of the hope that MAYBE, something good will happen. no one knows what's next, but my faith will lead me to the right person, i know God has...

times flies so fast...another year of my life had passed...well 2008 has been a good year to me..i regard it as "sakto". a good balance of good and not so good events.. this day i feel so loved, unfailing greetings really make my heart pound =) and that reminds me that even though something in my life is missing now, i have a lot more reason to ignore that gap and move on with joy because indeed, i am being loved by many people around me, most of all i have a very loving and supporting INTACT family. life's like this, there's no such thing as perfect...maybe what made this day a bit eerie is the fact that i am going through something hurtful right now, and in fact its still fresh. this morning i was able to talk to bau and pour out the emotions ive been keeping up for the past days...he empathized, well coming from a guy, now i know im not exagerrating... what he did was really hurtful, like how a good friend agreed. i know the following days will be better. as i went...

nothing is more painful that being cheated on...hayy, i just dont know what to say anymore...hayyy sakto p talaga sa pasko...

last night, it was full of tears. i really wanted to let it all out. i will surely miss him. i know ill get through this. this morning as i woke up, things are starting to sink in, no reason at all to greet him good morning, its about time to change the routine, no more gudnyts, no more whining and texting, no one to tell my angst, no more destressor, no one to look forward to talk to as i go home in the afternoon. everything will change, these are the reasons why i do cry a lot...i myself did not notice that that ive been clinging on him this tight already, i thought then as i was telling everyone else that he's no one, just the casual person i am fond of talking to, nothing special, but deep inside, i knew even before that i was just saying this out of shame that despite keeping up a special bond with this person, i am nevertheless, a non-significant person to him. now i let him go, i want him to grow, to realize his faults, and most of all learn to appreciate the people around h...

its a "merry" christmas. i had so much for this day, so much heartache. it was like all the pain and frustrations were showered upon me at once. i was able to handle it, but im still sort of in shock. i dont know if this feeling, though familiar, is simply a clone of how i felt years back, but just the same, it striked me hard. attachment, this has been my waterloo, a trap equipped with blades that could crush me anytime, that the more i struggle to escape, the harder it would stab. its indeed painful, im overwhelmed by all the things thrown upon me, and honestly i do not know how to handle, or maybe im too apprehensive to handle each that it seems impossible if i will be able to do so. bottomline: another phase of moving on, a different starting point. i thought through the years and kinds of relationships ive been into, this one is easier, no tangible attachment, no big deal, but i was reminded, that i have the same heart, that same heart broken many times before, that same...

yesterday, dec 22, me and jp went out on a date **yay** ahahaha what a pleasant surprise. but actually, im not so sure if it's really a nice thing. im a bit bothered on where this one is going..just the other day i was on a big drama and anxiety...gawd, what a complicated situation i am in. sadly, i must admit its the two of us making the complications...ahm, actually its him that's so complicated. whatever, i just enjoyed the moment of being with him. though at some point i was a bit hesitant (well i dont know how to explain the hunches) and one thing more, what makes seeing him a bit wrong is going back to zero on my struggle to somehow detach from him. only God knows the reason...

today is the offical start of the so far first vacation we have for this school year. whew! it was almost perfect but then for the nth time it was ruined by errr only i would know.... i just figured out, no matter how much you give for one person it doesnt always mean getting back the same...or worse even getting the opposite of what ur giving. ahhh life sucks (at that certain area of my life) nothing is perfect...i got hurt, if frustrates me, it gets me furious and at the same time makes me realize what i should have realized early on. owell, i wallowed over this, at least to get desensitized, i dont wanna dwell on the thought further and make things harder for me. i just wish i could stand still with this decision of just disappearing...ITS NOT WORTH IT, REALLY... i figured, no matter how long, how much, all positive driving factors a person could give, if its one way, there's not even a speck of possibility that it would flourish, or climb up at that level you've been yearni...

christmas is in the air, whew, finally now im feeling better that school stuff is finally unloading. almost having a perfect week to end up off to vacation, the only flaw, our medicine class this coming wednesday, i really wish it wouldn't be our turn to present in the preceptorial *crossed-fingers* anyway, im done with my paper, well almost if im not making any change on it. tom, no classes, wee! twilight time! oh yes what a late bloomer haha coz the only time i can manage to read is at night time, which apparently i couldnt stand for more than an hour. Zzzzz i was able to give out my presents for friends earlier today, the effort was all worth it REALLY =) i never thought they would like it that much, yes the personalized tumblers i made. aside of course from being able to give out, conceptualizing the design first hand for them was more of a satisfaction of my "hunger" for photoshop LOL. it really feels light starting this week oh so right, i dunno, maybe the lesser sc...

wow umaga na pala kumusta naman, bakit kaya ganon pag kailangan mag stay up at mag-aral, effort! EFFORT GUMISING pero pag papetiks petiks i can stay up kahit 36 hours straight LOL. nabuhay kasi ako nung nagtxt si aubz na walang radio bukas hahaha sobrang invigorating ...so talagang winakasan ko na ang shiftings nang matapos ang sargeri??? sobrang naaliw ako magnet, mag-gitara, umepal epal dito sa bahay. oh no tagal ko di nahawakan gitara ko keber kung masira ang manicure hehe namiss ko lng , naaliw kasi ako sa videos ni marie digby, though na-encounter ko na un dati, ngaun ko lng na-absorb haha. uhm kakatamad na mag-aral christmas na eh weeeeeeee!