Skip to main content

what you do not know

today i stumbled into several stuff that reminds me of you. i trembled seeing our smiles on a photo taken more than a year ago. reading your letters gave me a familiar feeling almost exactly the way i felt the first time i read it.

but at the back of my mind, i was telling myself these were all lies. all were fantasies being dreamt by a teenage girl who was never hurt and never felt being left behind. i know for a fact i was crazy then. im not even sure if there were regrets. but whenever i refresh those sweet moments i had with you my heart felt coldness...longing for you and wondering will there still be a chance to have you close to me once more.

madness, it is...that i am completely aware of. but through the years i have tried to push you away from my mind heart and my mind...the more i build barriers, the more i get trapped.

all these time i was trying to convice myself that you were the best liar alive that i have encountered...but your lies were so good...so good i wanted to taste more.

the day you left you me put me in so much agony...i tried to despise you. so much questions were left unanswered. did you ever love me? who am i to you? how you felt for me?

until one day after a real long wait, destiny permitted seeing you once more...i thought the last page of our book will be written and finally be closed. but i was wrong. The way you kissed, the way you held me close to you??? You lied again...waking up the dormant feelings kept within...this time i wanted to fight. to resist your lies once more...but i love you more than i cud resist you.

Everything was reverted...you did it again. the pieces of me that i picked one by one so hard was again scattered. How worse could you be? More questions lined up? it was so endless till one day i realized all these times i already knew the answer...

You lied to me. Used me for you selfish intentions. Put me in vain. Dropped me in agony. Dragged me into shame....I was just a toy you used to play with......

And yet despite everything, why do i still want to hear from you? Will these questions continue to be resolved only by me and not by you who was after all the offender?

You knew least...You have forbidden me to...The day i wanna tell you I love you so didn't even come. You knew nothing how i suffered...

The day we'll meet again...You'll hear no words from me...im tired because you pushed me away...And when that day comes, look at me in the eye. My tears would tell you how much i've been hurt.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

this holiday season

amf, di ko talaga akalaing magiging kontrobersyal ang kapaskuhan ko! boylets go away! kayo ang gumugulo sa buhay ko! bwahahaha ngarag na ngarag na nga ako sa sobrang daming party at talagang im so broke sa mga panahong to, dagdag pa sa eksena ang mga lalakeng ito! ano ber ano ber ano ber! tama na pagiging mga ekchosero nio, enough na ang mga kemerkemerlu! kasi memorize ko na yan pramis. ang akin lang naman, kung sasaktan lang ako chupi at sumakay n lng sa chubibo, kayong dalawa magbilugan ng ulo....stressed na ko i swear. nananahimik ako dito tapos lapit lapit para lang bulabugin ang diyosang natutulog sa mt. olympus! you've done enough pain....tama na yun. hindi ako nababagay sa mga tagalupang kagaya nio. grrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!! panira talaga ng pasko oh!
Post a Comment
Read more

anxious

tomorrow is my final interview. done with the two weeks of observation period. of course the usual, not everyone there seems nice. but i guess wherever i go, jerks are along the way. maybe the only difference is how subtle other jerks could be. again, i am plainly emotionless. i don't want to anticipate anything. no expectations, no whatever. like ike said, this is a roadless map... the past days i took the chance to rest. i started on thinking about future plans, but then, what works for me is living for today. plans are good, but i don't want to keep on dwelling on the future. sudden unexpected changes may ruin it anyways. I'll let God this time. just keeping the faith going :) Uberrimei fidei Of the utmost good faith
Post a Comment
Read more

9-16

Im missing lots of people. Well i realized ive been too busy that i am missing much in life. I miss d good old days wen life for me was a lot lighter. Wen i dont have to think much and despite being busy, still being able to squeeze in other activities. Its a lot different now. As much as i want to spend some time to escape from the pressures of med world, time wouldnt really permit. I miss d easy life, the genuine laughs and crazy old days of hanging out and not thinking about tomorrow. It pains me coz as time passes by, people around me narrows down. Most already had a big difference in their lives. Oh well i chose the tedious path. And oftentimes its only by prayer and faith that i do to surpass all these. I hope this would end soon. I really wish God would send me an angel to make life a bit easier and happier dan now. I wanna end d misery. The misery of clinging on to a wrong person. The pain of expectations. It makes the load heavier. Maybe its my turn to be happy.
Post a Comment
Read more