one thing ive noticed, people whom i got involved with come and go, and come back again. probably for a different reason, that im not sure of. its just that i always give double effort to let go of those people and yet fate draws them back. i never wanted it this way, because it comes contrary to my expectations that as time passes the impact is lessened. sometimes i assess myself whether its my fault, but lately i realized ive been actively putting efforts to move on farther, but unexplainably they just come back. most of the time it brings me heartache. because ive got only one simple wish, that is to find that ONE who wouldnt leave me, who would stay for real, FOR GOOD, and it is frustrating that by coming back they give a constant reminder that still i am left alone. I dont know why of all people, they love to mess up with me when in fact i am not actually allowing them to do so. no matter how i shut up and put on large barriers, im always dragged...its not flattering, rather,it complicates everything while im progressively getting numb. i dont wanna hurt anyone, but that doesnt mean its me who's supposed to carry all the burden....its difficult. somehow at this point i really wanna be with that one who would protect me and save me from all of these. im tired....really tired....of all aspects of my life, this is where i am weakest. maybe because i indulge in giving much, and expecting less, and end up getting nothing from that least i am asking. its really ironic, when what you wish for is not given when in fact its just an inch away, and you keep on hiding on someone who keeps on searching for you....argh i complicate things because i face them one by one. i just cant afford to make a sweet escape, i dont want to leave things unsettled. i dont want the shortcuts because i know it will keep me wondering forever...what if...its unending...
being a big make-up fan, organizing my kikay kit has always been a task...papalit palit kc ako. most of the time i bring big clutch bags to fit in my "koloretes". ang arte talaga hahaha. tuloy i end up also bringing big bags where these clutches would fit in----bag within a bag. pero na-realize ko even when i go to school, ang laki ng dala ko pero majority lng dito pampaarte. ewan ko b naman toxic talaga ako, its like im gonna die if i wouldnt bring my talc in a tall canister and my body splash plus my kikay kit. so ano nga ba ang laman ng mahiwagang kikay kit na ito...the thing why its getting heavy is that i bring things in doubles...2 shades for each hahaha siguro dala na rin ng pagiging fickle-minded ko. pero dahil s katoxican hindi ko rin naman actually nagagamit talaga. kaya nga lately talagang pinapractice ko ang NO TO BIG BAG PROJECT lol. i started unloading the doubles at gawin n lng tig-isa...i even settled for a flip phone at iwanan n muna sa bahay ang bulky pda...
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