Skip to main content

9-13

one thing ive noticed, people whom i got involved with come and go, and come back again. probably for a different reason, that im not sure of. its just that i always give double effort to let go of those people and yet fate draws them back. i never wanted it this way, because it comes contrary to my expectations that as time passes the impact is lessened. sometimes i assess myself whether its my fault, but lately i realized ive been actively putting efforts to move on farther, but unexplainably they just come back. most of the time it brings me heartache. because ive got only one simple wish, that is to find that ONE who wouldnt leave me, who would stay for real, FOR GOOD, and it is frustrating that by coming back they give a constant reminder that still i am left alone. I dont know why of all people, they love to mess up with me when in fact i am not actually allowing them to do so. no matter how i shut up and put on large barriers, im always dragged...its not flattering, rather,it complicates everything while im progressively getting numb. i dont wanna hurt anyone, but that doesnt mean its me who's supposed to carry all the burden....its difficult. somehow at this point i really wanna be with that one who would protect me and save me from all of these. im tired....really tired....of all aspects of my life, this is where i am weakest. maybe because i indulge in giving much, and expecting less, and end up getting nothing from that least i am asking. its really ironic, when what you wish for is not given when in fact its just an inch away, and you keep on hiding on someone who keeps on searching for you....argh i complicate things because i face them one by one. i just cant afford to make a sweet escape, i dont want to leave things unsettled. i dont want the shortcuts because i know it will keep me wondering forever...what if...its unending...

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

nakakaantok naman

dami pa babasahin. tapos malapit n ulit ang weekend. parang dumadaan lang. tapos un n un hay. ang sakit sa bangs i should sleep now na
Post a Comment
Read more

unexpected

me and jp went out this evening. really had much fun spending few hours with him. yeah only few *sob* i asked for signs, but it seems that it all leads me to the exact opposite of how i was expecting things to happen. for whatever reason, it still puzzles me, why in all people in the www its him i will meet. and i really do not know where this would lead. all i know is that as of this moment, i am already in the stage of attachment towards him. the only wish i have is for this to flourish. or if not up to the next level, at least to keep him. just have him around. i dont wanna rush on things ryt now. but all i know is that i am moving on to another phase of my life. i am now ready to let go of my past and be with someone else....
Post a Comment
Read more

Tired

This entire application process is really tedious. I thought that being called for preres is good enough. Well of course it's just the beginning. Im just exagerrating when i say tired. Actually this observation period is way benign than u could imagine. Post-boards syndrome. Someone i know quitted after one duty (observership). Maybe i feel the same thing. I want a longer break. I want my free time, no responsibilities, no schedule to follow. Maybe i just enjoyed the relief of finishing the entire trail to becoming a doctor that i wanna enjoy it longer. Haist im still praying. Im so lucky actually that some would want to be in my position. But then sometimes following your heart could lead to better results. im still confused.
Post a Comment
Read more